Wednesday, May 18, 2011


'Come to Me with your plans held in abeyance,' reads todays passage.  Abeyance, I had to look it up, is defined as a state of temporary disuse or suspension.  That's tough.  I typically have plans A,B, & C and many variations of each as well. To come to Him with that kind of trust, letting go of your own plans, and surrendering to His will is easily said or read than done.  I have great difficulty with this kind of trust.  

The only season in my Christian journey when I was able to have this kind of faith was around the age of 13, when I had accepted Christ as my savior.  I had amazing faith.  I really believed everything I read in the Bible.  I had no doubt that He was there.  It was because He had been showing up in my life daily.  In the most mundane situations I would see His hand.  It was as if He was wooing me.  You know, when you are first getting to know a significant other, you do the sweetest and most thoughtful things to let them know you are interested and would like to pursue them.  I would pray for the silliest things (in my teenage mind, no such things were silly, of course).  Nevertheless, He would grant my requests.  Those few years were the sweetest times in my relationship with God.  I guess the honeymoon stage usually is. 

'Do not blindly follow your habitual route, or you will miss what I have prepared for you.'  You have live deliberately.  I do wish I had that kind of faith again, perhaps this breaking down of all I know of God is the beginning.    

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Limitless Provision

'Rejoice in My abundance-living by faith, not by sight.'   Today's reading was regarding God's glorious riches.  One phrase struck a chord with me: 'Even now you have access to as much of Me as you have faith to receive.'  Man, here is another one of those theological statement that just doesn't sit well with me or it has not in the recent past.  So, it's about faith.  You receive not because of your lack of faith, but I believe, I really do!  Do I?  I am not so sure.  That's why I love Mark 9:24.  The father of the sick boy who was before Jesus cries, 'I believe,  help my unbelief.'    That is my saving grace.  Many times I am not sure if I have enough faith to pray and ask what I ask for, so, just to cover anything I might have missed, I ask God to help my unbelief. 

This strikes a chord with me because among the many ideas of Christian faith I battled with, this was a major one.  Why ask if He does all things according to His will?  So, you will only receive if he agrees with what you are asking?  What's the point of asking and praying for many things and people...just simply say, I have many concerns, but no point in talking about it for hours, whatever you will, I will learn to accept, right?  I know, I know, but praying brings you closer to God, it's about the conversation between you and Him, it's about the relationship these times will bring about.  Yes, that sounds very spiritual and humbling, but there are some 'mundane' things that just need be a yes or no.  And since He already knows the answer before you were even conceived, why are you spending years asking him to change His mind?  How about I just meditate on Him to bring me closer to Him.  

I just wish it was clearer!

Monday, May 16, 2011

Guidance for today

Today's reading was so timely, as has been case since I started reading this book.  It begins by saying to seek God as lover and friend of my soul, but also as the sovereign over all.  This is something I have had such a hard time coming to terms with.  Sovereign means above all, in full control.  Then why is it that it seems that He is not or it does not appear to be so.  When I first began to question my faith, this is one of the questions that I really battled with.  In particular, I questioned His sovereignty over human suffering, suffering of innocent children to be exact.  I was learning more about neglected and abused children, particularly sexual abuse.  I had such a hard time praying and seeking God in those days because I was so burdened with the suffering these little ones were going through.  How could I be praying to God who had the power to change it all and didn't?

I know, I know, He is sovereign, but humans have choices and His wisdom is above ours, so don't question it, just accept it.  I couldn't just accept it anymore!  I had to at least be able to question it.  I couldn't continue to pray and worship a God whom I couldn't question.  I couldn't just believe because I was told to believe.  It had to be my faith, deep within my soul, I had to know.  Is he real?  Or as Karl Marx said, the opium of the masses?  Is it that human beings need to believe in something greater to have real meaning in life?

I will share with you, in the coming days,  my journey through those questions.  But for now, let me get back to today's reading. I am sure Sarah Young was not envisioning this interpretation from today's reading, but that's what is great about a book.  You have the freedom to interpret it and let it speak to where you are.

I had a practical 'aha' moment from today's reading.  I woke up overwhelmed by the many things that needed to be done today.  So, this was so timely.  "You can make some plans as you gaze into the day that stretches out before you.  But you need to hold those plans tentatively, anticipating that I may have other ideas.  The most important thing to determine is what to do right now. Instead of scanning the horizon of your life, looking for things that need to be done, concentrate on the task before you..."  how practical!  It goes on the say that this process of taking things one at a time and concentrating on God, will unclutter your mind and draw you close to Him.  Sounds like a off to doing dishes.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Blogging for the soul

It is 1: 13 am and I have finally just set up my very first blog.  I have been meaning to do this for at least 2 years now.  Better late than never, right?  I think everything happens in its time.  So, here goes.

I started reading the book, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, for about a month now.  I picked it up at the suggestion of someone I greatly admire but was not expecting anything different than the typical devotional 'stuff.'  I was pleasantly surprised and somewhat relived that this book was different.  I began reading Jesus Calling  in April because there is no sense in trying to be perfect and starting in January =). There were many days when the reading for a particular day appeared to have been written just for me.  It would speak to a situation at  hand so perfectly that I couldn't dismiss it as chance.  I know the word, chance, doesn't sound very spiritual, rather skeptic, but this is exactly where I needed to be met by my Creator.  I had been a skeptic and in the coming days I will share my journey of losing faith and where I am today.

As I struggled with my Christian faith, I desperately seeked others with similar doubts, questions, etc. but was not able to find much support.  So, I thought this blog might benefit someone who might be going on a similar journey.  I sincerely hope that it does and if so please feel free to reach out to me. The wisdom and guidance I received while reading this book has been life changing and it has only been about a month.  I would love to share what I have learned with you and hope to see how it will affect your life.  Thanks for stopping by!
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