November 16, 2013
Today's reading was talking about the God-created-fog. I had to read the last part a few times to really let it sink in that He creates this fog that settles a few steps in front of you as walk through this journey called life. So that you seek Him and stay close to Him. Why would You create a fog? "Why are You so controlling?" is the first thought that came to my mind as I was pondering the fog.
Why did He provide manna for the Israelites daily and not let them have a week's or month's supply? Why does He allow suffering and pain? I had struggled with that thought much a few years ago as I attempted to make a case for God. It was the suffering that really didn't make much sense to me. He is God and does as He pleases. So if He answers my prayers, wonderful! If He chooses not to, then it is His will. I had a very hard time accepting that! It was much easier on my heart to believe that there was no God. Things happened naturally, without much rhyme or reason. Good and bad things happened to all people, without discrimination. That was life! Yes, it sucks sometimes, but that was just the way it was.
My heart felt a bit more guarded with that perspective. There is a saying in India. It says that even if you give someone an elephant (emphasis on its enormity and value) do not give someone hope without resolve. That is exactly how I felt about the God.
I had high hopes in God coming through on a few requests. One being my father, who battles schizophrenia. Another one being a very close relative battling alcoholism and therefore destroying his family. I watched both of those individuals fall apart and go to the pits of despair without any kind of healing. I had been praying for over 15 years! I had given my heart to Christ at the age of 13. I was sold out for Christ! He was my everything. And I firmly believed that He would come through for me. He didn't. At least not in the way I expected Him to.
He is doing something else. He is showing me Himself through my brokenness. I have realized that I would much rather have Him than have all the answers in the world. A life without faith is dull at best. Faith is a gift. No matter how much you wish it, it doesn't come that easily. At least, that was my experience. He woos us. And if you seek after Him with all your heart, you will be found of Him.
That was a long tangent, back to today's reading. The reading ends by saying that someday the fog will no longer be necessary, for we will have learned to keep our focus on Him and on the path just ahead. Looking forward to that day!